Today marks the final resolution of a process begun two years ago, and although the change, at this point, is almost entirely legal rather than psychological or emotional, I do feel a sense of liberation at arriving at this date: March 3, 2004. Normally, I’ve been pretty private about my life before 2002, preferring instead to share such information only with people I trust. Last night, as midnight drew near, I told everyone I could that my freedom approached.
The date is all about a final reminder that no more entanglements exist with a person whom, though I still consider her a friend, I needed to be away from her and individual. She needed the same.
How ironic, then, that it comes at the same time that I finally find the strength to ask for what I want from a new friend, despite the difficulty involved? In the midst of turmoil, I found my back and neck - my whole body - relaxing last night, and I know it has more to do with voicing my desires than with the change of epochs. It’s tough not knowing yet what result my voice may bring for my friend and me, but a little easier knowing that she understood what I was asking.
Her analogy was beautiful: “[I see] you are asking me to help you meet your wants and desires out of your own volition, and at the same time trying to find a way to relax about getting them met, without losing the motivation? When you relax into an asana, you don’t lose the motivation… you release unnecessary tension and gain greater awareness.”
I never felt a moment of such complete understanding between myself and another person as when I read those lines.